I share with delight - and with sensitivity - that I’m 34 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. Yet what I also know intimately is that pregnancy after loss, after a fertility journey and after IVF does not immediately wipe away the complex emotional journey and grief that accompanies this experience. I’m still processing.

Since becoming a mom and particularly throughout my fertility journey, I’ve leaned on the framework of matrescence over and over again - exploring the physical, emotional, social, economic and spiritual changes that I’m experiencing as I traverse motherhood. The insights have been profound and painful.

For me, this journey has been about:

• Protecting my energy

• Truly prioritizing (priority: meaning ‘one ‘ thing, not many priorities)

• Staying clear on my boundaries

• Making space for emotions

• Challenging social language, beliefs and narratives about infertility

• Creating more joy in my life

• Remembering the power in reaching out to others who understand my experience

• Committing again and again to rest, doing less and caring for myself

• Letting go over and over again of the vision I had for my family and for myself as a mother

• Accepting what is

• Accepting what will be.

What’s always interesting for me as a mother is that I’m having my own micro experience of motherhood while also observing the macro experience of what it means to be a mother. In this case, I’ve had a personal journey with infertility while simultaneously critically reflecting on the meta experience of infertility in today’s society. I’m certain this will shape my paid work in the future. And now, I’m deep in the transformation of what it means to become a mom of two. I’m still surprised at how few people have asked me or spoken to me about this profound transformation. I’ve been actively seeking advice beyond “don’t blame the baby” or “put all of the small toys away”. I acknowledge these are useful and practical tips yet also acknowledge that there’s so much more to this transition than just logistics.

I’ve gained so much wisdom from the moms I have worked with since starting this business there years ago, and I will hold your experiences and wisdom in my heart as I face this transition in my matrecesnce.

An update on my paid work

I’m officially pausing paid work as of May 31 and preparing to down shift into the cocoon of birth and postpartum. You’ll hear from me when I’m ready to emerge, likely in Spring 2025.

While over the last year I let go of any commitment to an online presence, what has surprised me is that my business has continued to thrive. Yes, life does exist beyond social media! While I haven’t led any group programs, I’ve been full working with 1:1 clients, partnering with two consulting firms to do this work (check out ​Maturn​, if you haven’t heard of them!), out leading community workshops with some of my favourite partners (Chorus & Clouds, ESFP, St. Paul’s Hospital, to name a few!), formed a great relationship with BC Women’s Health & Research Centre and was a member of their ​Glow Gala committee​ last year, and even appeared on ​major news outlets​ earlier this year related to the BC IVF funding announcement. I’m curious to see how my work evolves as I process my fertility journey and become a mom of two.

My hope for you is that whatever is transpiring in your life, be it a journey with infertility or some other challenging path, that you always have permission to say no, re-negotiate plans, update your vision & timelines, and prioritize yourself.

In it with you,
Cayley